


Fudgin' Witches

by wolf_mistress17



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Humor, Witch Curses, alternate cuss words, language without there being language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 12:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9550220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolf_mistress17/pseuds/wolf_mistress17
Summary: A short, humorous tale of Dean unknowingly being cursed so that he is unable to cuss.I created this little fic to hopefully bring a laugh or smile to someone should they need it!





	

**Author's Note:**

> I came across a post on Facebook of a list of alternate cuss words that was just too hilarious to pass up. As I read the list, I found myself reading a few in Dean's voice... thus where the idea came from. "Fudging" is already a canon used word so I have used it as well, obviously.
> 
> I have left it ambiguous in the timeline, but it is essentially canon compliant. Don't worry about spoilers. Hopefully you will get a good laugh from the fic as I did while I was writing it!
> 
> Enjoy!

“It’s about time that we had an easy case.”

Sam and Dean are driving back to the bunker after dealing with a witch in a small town a state over. They are returning, surprisingly, injury free for once. No one shed any blood, and the witch in question practically gave herself up. Sam can definitely agree with Dean’s sentiments about an easy case, too.

“And I sure as heck am glad to be done dealing with witches.”

Sam gives Dean a weird glance at that, but he goes back to scrolling on his phone.

Once the Impala is safely back in the garage in the bunker, Sam and Dean head off to their respective rooms for the night. Since they had returned from a case, Dean lets himself sleep in the next morning. He meets Sam in the kitchen, who is on his laptop already scanning for cases.

“Hey. There wasn’t much for breakfast so I just made myself something once I was up.” 

Dean meanders to the fridge to investigate. He hadn’t realized they were short on grocery supplies before leaving. There is basically nothing to make for breakfast but eggs, which are just not going to be filling enough for Dean this morning. And another problem is that there is no more beer.

“Fiddlesticks! I’m going to have to make a run for food and beer today. I was hoping to kick it for awhile.”

When Dean peers at Sam to see if he heard him, he finds Sam already giving him an inquisitive look with raised eyebrows.

“Have you been talking to Donna lately, Dean?”

“What? No. Haven’t heard a peep from her in awhile. She and that Doug guy must have hit it off.”

Sam offers him a shrug and goes back to reading on the laptop. Meanwhile, Dean decides he will forego breakfast to get to the store early and get supplies for burgers. Once he’s gone to his bedroom to change, he pops his head back into the kitchen.

“Alright, Sam. I’m off for supplies. Need anything?”

“Nah. Just grab the usual stuff.”

“Rabbit food it is then.”

“Whatever, jerk.”

“Later, bucket hair.”

Sam squints at the doorway where Dean was just standing with a curious look on his face. He begins to think maybe they hadn’t gotten away unscathed after all. 

 

*****

 

When Dean returns, Sam has disappeared to another room. It’s quiet in the kitchen as he puts supplies away. He grabs the beer to put in the fridge just as a low voice sounds behind him.

“Hello, Dean.”

It startles him so much he almost drops the beer. Luckily, he doesn’t lose any of the bottles from the pack as he spins around to see Castiel standing there in the kitchen with him.

“Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat, Cas! What have I told you about sneaking up on somebody? Geez Louise. I really gotta get that bell.” Dean shakes his head before setting the beer safely into the fridge and closing it up.

“My apologies, Dean. Sam called me earlier regarding your last case.”

“Oh, yeah? What about it? We didn’t have too much trouble out of the witch this time. Did something come up while I was out?” As he finishes the question, Sam makes his way into the kitchen.

“Actually, Dean, I’m starting to think maybe there was a curse after all.” Dean stops at that.

“Good gravy, what now? Are you good? Has anything weird happened to you while I was out?” Dean surveys Sam with a once over but notices he doesn’t seem to have any outward signs of pain or struggle.

“Sam believes you may have been hit with a curse. I think he is right, but I also think it is a small and harmless one, Dean.” Dean regards Cas curiously.

“Me? I feel fine, though! Nothing weird has happened at all…” Dean can’t think of anything out of place that has happened since he woke up.

“Dean, have you been listening to yourself talk at all? You’ve really become the poster boy of alternative cuss words in the last 24 hours.”

“Come again?”

“You do realize instead of the usual bitch comment earlier, you called me 'bucket hair,' right? You don’t miss an opportunity to nitpick about my hair, but that’s a new one.”

Dean has to stop and think. He hadn’t even noticed he said that. He can’t even recall what other things he has or may have given voice to that Sam would notice.

“What the H-E-double-hockey-sti—“ Dean stops. Now that he is aware that it’s happening, he realizes what he is saying, or not saying as the case seems to be.

“You could really give Donna a run for her money there!” Sam can’t help but harass his brother while he has the chance.

“Gosh darn it! Geez! Why is it always me?” At that, Sam has to stop himself from laughing. 

Dean walks himself over to a chair and sits heavily with a grumble.

“Son of a bacon bit!” 

Sam can’t help but bust out laughing then. He spots the glare from Dean right away, though, so he starts to slink out of the kitchen.

“Kiss my grits, Sam!!” Dean yells after him, and he wishes that sounded menacing, but it obviously sounds dumb and childish. He drops his head into his hands.

Castiel shuffles over to Dean and rests a hand on his shoulder. It makes Dean peek up at him.

“From what I can tell, I believe it will be short lived. If you can survive on a modified vocabulary for a little while, it should be of no harm.”

Dean sighs and leans back in his chair. Cas walks around to sit beside him at the table.

“This is horse hockey,” Dean has to pause to make the not-cursing stop, “but I guess I will live.”

“Luckily this time, it’s nothing to worry about. It does appear as if this particular witch must have had a sense of humor, or in the very least, wanted to cause you an inconvenience.”

Dean slides his gaze over to Cas and groans when he notices even Castiel has a bit of a smirk at his predicament.

“Fudging witches!!”

**Author's Note:**

> To see the whole list of alternate cuss words, follow this link, and see if you can spot the ones I used! Please let me know if you found this to be funny or not. I am still up for any and all constructive criticism.
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/mark.goodnight/posts/10154744452820590


End file.
